This week I went to a fun PRIDE event. The local center rented out a bowling alley for a few hours, and if you signed up for a spot you could attend for free. It was great after the pandemic to be around people, talking, and reminding myself how to keep a bowling ball from landing in the gutter.
But I messed up.
A bunch of us decided to play a round of laser tag that was part of the alley. We were strangers, but we had no problem splitting into teams for a short battle. One woman on my team had difficulty in donning on her vest. The straps on the sides were cinched tight and she couldn’t reach comfortably to loosen them. So I stepped up and did it for her. Long afterwards I realized my grave error.
I had encroached on her personal space without permission, and I’m a man.
I’m lucky that this time the lady in question was simply grateful for the assistance, but it was still a bad action on my part. I should’ve asked if she’d like me to fix the straps for her instead of assuming it’s fine. This should be a first step before approaching anyone, but it’s especially prevalent between females and males as everyone’s more aware of harassment occurring between these two genders.
This is an example of a social aspect in my transitioning as a trans-man. For most of my life, I’d been seen as a tomboy, which was a pretty neutral image to have. No one felt threatened by my presence and I could interact in any manner that was comfortable to me. Plus, the autism in me tended to make me simply act when there was an issue I could resolve.
Now that I’m presenting as a man, I need to be more conscious that some feminine folks won’t be comfortable near me simple because I’m masculine. Before the pandemic, I had approached an acquaintance asking if she wanted a hug because she was upset about something. She appreciated the offer, but she didn’t want to be touched by a man ever again. It was the first time I realized this shift in my standing in public.
My awareness of this change slid during the pandemic due to lack of people interaction, but now that things are opening up I need to be better about this. Ask first, act second.
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