I enjoy singing.
That being said, I’m not a very good singer. Never took lessons or spent hours poking at piano keys and trying to match the notes. Either of these things would’ve helped me out, but I never got around to them. Instead, I learned gradually and sporadically by singing with others or the radio.
This took forever.
The main issue was that I didn’t have a trained ear for comparing my voice to others (still don’t, but it was more apparent growing up). This certainly made choir in elementary school a nightmare for my classmates as my “singing” was more like screaming the words. It took ages of practicing before I could finally tell if I was at least within the ball park of others. Then I learned which supposedly-female voices I could follow, and which presumably-male pitches I could sing an octave higher.
It took a long time, but my ear finally started catching on to where I should be in a song. I was safe so long as I sung with others. Acapella? Nope, I’d be all over the place, but I’d still give it a go while out on a long bike ride or alone in the car.
Then I started transitioning.
My pitch lowered. I wasn’t hitting the higher notes that I used to. My voice discovered lower notes previously unattainable. With all these changes, my ear lost its basis for comparing to other singing voices.
I had returned to square one.
Since then I’m having to relearn my singing range and hope that my ears reacclimate to this newer pitch. I like to think that it’s getting better while my voice is more settled now. I’m starting to know when I’m in harmony or an octave below a high voice. Great start.
The lower voices are still a mystery.
My ear has assumed for so long that the mostly-male range is too deep for me to reach. It still tricks my brain into thinking so today, which just makes me confused while singing. Am I hitting this note? What about that note? Is my voice lower than this singer’s? Am I in harmony with the bass or way off in left field? I have no idea.
I’m slowly getting better at retraining my ear. At the very least I’m more consistently singing within range of the pub singing lads (pre-COVID anyway). With any luck, this relearning phase will be quicker than my learning-from-the-beginning phase.
Your stories always make me think about your changes beyond the obvious. I really enjoy reading from your new view point. Hope your new life is everything you wanted. I may not be expressing my self correctly but good luck.
Thank you Paula, continuing my life as my real self has been very rewarding.
You would often sing in your room. To your music major mother it was apparently painful to listen to. She would head out to the garden or other yard work. I would stay inside and listen and enjoyed every good note as much as every off note, which were the majority of the notes. But you were my son, growing, and learning, and especially just so obviously happy in your singing. Your joy was such a joy to listen to, off notes and all. Charlotte heard the notes and excused herself. I heard your joy and would listen as long as I could.
I would give much to be able to hear my little boy signing again.
I remember mom being frustrated with me when I tried singing one song from The Secret Garden musical and she didn’t understand why I wasn’t in key. But you’re right, I really enjoy the physical action of singing regardless.
As a non-practiced singer, this is a fascinating conundrum that I would have never considered. I rather enjoy the image of young Phineas screaming at choir practice. Also, to my untrained ear, you always sound like a very skilled singer to me.